I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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