Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
