Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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