'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
