He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
