my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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