I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
