i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
