She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
