whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
