You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
