I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
