I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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