the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
