Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
