We're facebook friends in real life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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