Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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