don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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