Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
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you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?