Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.

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  (281): I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/wpfj
  Replies (13) Good night (3249) Bad night (945)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake

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  (214): I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake http://tfl.nu/be1r
  Replies (4) Good night (3598) Bad night (1262)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.

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  (405): You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's. http://tfl.nu/922r
  Replies (9) Good night (4296) Bad night (1114)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers

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  (850): They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers http://tfl.nu/xy1w
  Replies (9) Good night (1159) Bad night (2259)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked

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  (774): just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked http://tfl.nu/dcyr
  Replies (7) Good night (3007) Bad night (812)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.

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  (517): Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise. http://tfl.nu/o3um
  Replies (12) Good night (3587) Bad night (1098)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

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  (704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it. http://tfl.nu/goy6
  Replies (13) Good night (4364) Bad night (1476)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha

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  (206): "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha http://tfl.nu/1j7y
  Replies (11) Good night (3164) Bad night (634)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex

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  (703): Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex http://tfl.nu/1fn0
  Replies (8) Good night (619) Bad night (941)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes

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  (859): She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes http://tfl.nu/2ifp
  Replies (6) Good night (906) Bad night (436)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.

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  (770): You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask. http://tfl.nu/fd4w
  Replies (3) Good night (1354) Bad night (440)
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  (585): View more from New York

  yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong

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  (585): yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong http://tfl.nu/twjt
  Replies (4) Good night (748) Bad night (389)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.

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  (306): thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand. http://tfl.nu/959s
  Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.

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  (732): I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful. http://tfl.nu/x0ts
  Replies (4) Good night (744) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  Why do you think I have a job?

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  (802): Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future? (1-802): Why do you think I have a job? http://tfl.nu/fsnx
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (383)

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