we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.