Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE