he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
