Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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