I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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