BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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