It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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