She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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