my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
