sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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