It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
