I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
