Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
