Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
