Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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