I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
