And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
