Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
