Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
