I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
