wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
