i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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