Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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