So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
