I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
