If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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