Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The best revenge is premature balding
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
