I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
