u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
