im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
