Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
