I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
