You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
