sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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