I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
