I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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