did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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