Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
