how hairy? two words: wookie tits
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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