Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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