Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
