haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
