We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
