The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Enjoy the penises
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize