4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
