I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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