I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry my hands just texted you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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