So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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