She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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