I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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