gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
