My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
