I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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