dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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