i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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