My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
