does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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