This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
