I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
