she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
