Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
