Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
