sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
